Would you critique a thirteen year old girl’s poem????
To await the light
A face of wood with a risen chin,
To twirl upon her needle toes.
A broken doll with splintered skin,
As she dances with an aching pose.
A lily white sky of perfect hands,
Did carve her silken thighs of oak.
A perfect figure of the day lit lands,
To wrap her in a paper cloak.
So sweet and small, the ticking tune,
The measuring of her silent heart.
The heart that embraced a fallen moon,
To stitch the earth of sunken art.
Her neck to stretch and yearn for light,
To lean and spy the leather stars.
Her dripping fingers under sleeves so tight,
They tear to cast her wooden scars.
A sugar soaked mouth to drink the sun,
Watching eyes to abandon tears.
Her narrow heels that cannot run,
She hears the tune with pointed ears.
the image it should bring is a wooden ballerina in a music box. dunno what it makes you think of though, please tell me!
14-year old boy’s response – I thought it was beautiful. I came across it as I am finishing off a poetry analysis at the moment for my coursework and I was seeking some online help. This came as really refreshing and I dunno – makes you think.
I loved the contrast at the beginning – “splintered skin,” “aching pose.” It created this sense of surrealism – Its the world of the doll as it would appear but it is filled with a longing and desolation. The “lily white sky” you used to describe the “perfect hands” is so illustrious – you get a fantastic image and it using the metaphor of the doll maker’s hands as extending from the “sky” of the doll’s world is just breathtaking. Maybe because you are still, technically, a developing individual (a student). Hey, but don’t let it drag you down – I get it all the time 
My Brother’s read it too and he is, I think, more poetic than I am and he suggests you rearrange your last stanza to this –
Watching eyes to abandon tears,
A sugar soaked mouth to drink the sun –
She hears the tune with pointed ears
And narrow heels that cannot run.
BTW I am doing this devised theatrical performance based on “The Little Prince” by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry and this is such a wonderful companion. 
This is really wicked cos usually I am responding to a poem by a poet who probably died a few centuries ago. But, now, this is really you.
Well Done!
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