A doll should be played with or put in a case? Opinions on poem. Dolly says please.?
“Maria Doll”
Trophy wife up on the highest shelf.
Let me fall off,
On the floor,
Barbie collecting dust.
Doll has legs,
But has no heart.
Who’s to fault?
Ran away with those legs.
Hard to feel,
To late to touch.
If there..s no wizard in Oz,
How can I get my heart back?
© 9/10/08 Maria Santiago
PS What do you think, does this sound more of a spoken word or rap? Does it need lots of work? Thanks for the input I hope to improve. Peace.
Doesn’t barbie have a bride doll?
@So barbie isn`t a trophy wife?
I see what you are saying, or trying to, though the lines are a bit obscured and disjointed.
With a somewhat broad interpretation, this is what I got from it,,,
A beautiful doll ( trophy wife ) now upon a shelf ( isolation ), once meant to be enjoyed with play and love ( vibrant ), now collecting dust ( ignored ), alone, uncertain if she really feels anything, wanting to know for sure if she has an emotional heart that still works or is gone forever all related to yourself by including “I” in the final line.
You have the gist, you do need to work on it,,, get the reader drawn into what you are saying,,, add a bit more detail. I often find it easier to have too many words, too much detail and then begin to selectively reduce it to the essence.
I am no “expert” by any means,,, still a novice myself making lots of mistakes along the way.
EDIT : with a bit of luck this made sense and was a bit helpful.
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